Sharon Sharon Hypnosis

My experience with disordered eating started in high school. I was about 170cm tall and weighed around 65kg—just like I do now. Living in Germany today, this would be considered a healthy, fit weight. But back then, in a Chinese boarding school, the beauty standards were different—and harsh. Most girls kept their weight under 55kg. Being slightly curvier and stronger, I already felt too big through the eyes of teenage comparison.

Right before the university entrance exams, things intensified. Many girls skipped dinner, ate only raw vegetables, or avoided carbohydrates entirely. The pressure wasn’t just about numbers on a scale—it was unspoken rules, subtle comments, social cues. In boarding school, fitting in meant survival. I learned the rules and played the game. I hung out with the popular girls, but I also absorbed their silent judgments.

I began eating just apples all day. Sometimes only two pieces of tofu for lunch. Popcorn for dinner. I remember one time I ate an ice cream, and I felt so guilty and ashamed, I forced myself to throw up. Not because I wanted to lose weight—but to punish myself. To release the guilt. Food became a battlefield. I wasn’t losing weight because I had lost all connection with my body. I didn’t know what hunger or fullness felt like anymore. I was either starving or overeating. My digestion slowed down. My body thought we were in a war and tried to protect me by storing energy.

And I hated my body for it.

The stress of college entrance exams was already huge—but on top of that, I tortured myself. I had painful bloating every single day. Only much later did I learn that purging after eating is a common symptom of eating disorders in teens. I never told anyone back then. I was too ashamed.

Since then—since I was 17—I’ve been on a long healing journey. I’ve tried everything: Chinese medicine, fasting, massage, food therapy, emotional work. Some days, I still get so bloated I can’t walk. Since I was 17, I haven’t worn jeans or tight pants. Even light pressure can trigger symptoms.

In 2018, when I went through a deep episode of depression and psychosomatic illness, my digestion was one of the first things to break down again. My colon dropped so much that it was pressing on my bladder. It was a loud message from my body—one I could no longer ignore.

For seven years, I ate only vegan food. Looking back, I think that period helped me work through a lot of the unconscious greed I had around food and consumption in general. Over time, my weight became incredibly stable. I no longer obsessed about food or weight. The anxiety just faded away—and it never came back. But even with the weight piece resolved, I still struggled with digestive issues for years. Surprisingly, what helped the most wasn’t another new diet. It was learning to slow down, listen to my gut, and heal through hypnosis. My digestion began to shift once I stopped fighting my body and started treating it with patience and care.

In a deep hypnosis session, I finally listened. I spoke to my gut and said: “I’m sorry. I didn’t take care of you. I didn’t love you.” And my gut responded: “We just want you to love yourself.”

In Hypnosis, I saw something like a cold blue jellyfish leave my lower abdomen. I felt peace. I understood that if I treat my body with love and care, like I would treat a small child, it will take care of me in return. I don’t need to obsess over food or weight anymore. My body knows what to do—if I listen.

And that’s what I do now. I put on jeans again for the first time after many years now.